Well I had a website that I was posting on but have since decided my writing works should be meant for friends and family .I have been writing articles on and off for awhile now. I used to do it sporadically but then I found it was great therapy and started doing it whenever I felt an ache, such as a heartache .I have changed a lot especially in the past two years. I talk of the past as if it were 20 yrs ago, but I have come such a long way in the past couple of years. I felt the need to elaborate .I feel as if I have lived a lifetime. Two years out of 31, which is now how old I am. The past year has been a major change for me. Why was this past year so much more significant than any of the others? Because I believe that was my year of awakening. I look back over the articles from the past and all the words I put down. I look at all the patterns. What was it I wanted to say, more importantly what was it that I wanted. I noticed I spoke a great deal about my friends, but rarely of family. I noticed I spoke of loyalty, my son and the people who I relied on. I spoke of disappointments, but I also spoke of pulling myself through. I noticed I used the word support a lot. I believe I wrote many times, I am a person who needs support. I want you all to see the new patten I have created, the one that is going to take me far. It is a pattern of true love, and Faith. Loving who? Loving what? Faith in who? Faith in what? Love is loving the world and all that inhabit it. Every person in this world. I look out at them as I would my dearest friend. I have learned to forgive and I mean really forgive. Sometimes forgiving is simply forgetting. Before I would have said it is impossible to forget things, certain things. But it isnt. To truly forgive is to start over. On a clean slate and all memories need to be at the least extinguished, maybe not completely blocked out but you think of it in more of a what did I learn here state of mind and all can be forgiven. Nothing happens to us that we dont in some way, no matter how major or minor, allow to happen. I say that because it is the decisions we make that leads us down a certain road. Where we end up is a result of that first step. Do you understand what I mean when I say that? I know how to love unconditionally. I knew anyways right, didnt you? I have a son. I love him unconditionally. The most precious gift I have received of this world. How do I love others unconditionally? I love them through the act of knowing that they are human. As well as myself. If I expect you to over- look all of my flaws and mistakes, do I not owe you the same respect? I may never say again that you are an enemy. I will simply say you are my friend. And I will mean that I know all in all people are genuinely good. Everyone no matter who you are has the ability to be a great person. And to do great things. That is our purpose here to do what you can to initiate the good in someone else. Do you believe that? Now onto Faith. Kind of a small word with a huge meaning. To have faith to have faith in what? In who? Well I put my faith in what has never let me down, never disappointed me, never turned away from me, never left me alone. That is my creator and yours, God. I put my faith in my Savior, and yours if you allow him to be, and that is Jesus Christ. I was raised with knowing and believing. The majority of my family are believers, to different degrees and passions. I have started to write articles on my faith many, many times but in the end I felt I didnt have the capacity to do it or the justice so I never printed them. I can tell you right now I got it. I dont just say I am a Believer, I truly believe. I dont just say I am a Christian, I really am. I am a spiritual child of God. I am devoted, truly a devoted daughter of The Almighty. My Savior is the One and Only Jesus Christ. I dont know anyone out there that would give their body for me and all of you. I dont know anyone who would stand up and say you have done all of these unholy things, you are a sinner with no remorse you are in a constant state of, what can you do for me, what will the world do for me? And even though you have done all of these wrong things, committed all these sins have even committed these sins against me. I am going I am going to die for you, bleed for you and die for you, suffer humiliation for you and die for you. Because I love you, and I do not expect anything back except your acknowledgment of what I have done for you, acknowledge My name and who I am, and your salvation will be awarded you. Who would do that for you? I have been through the ringer in my life. Many times I have felt alone. But I also had the ability to look inside and actually feel the Presence of something bigger something better. An inkling that I wasnt really alone. You will see that in articles I write I always dedicate then to my son. And to God and Jesus. I always said thank you. It was then and there that all this was coming to play. They have never deserted me or abandoned me, and folks I was unworthy of it. I have made some mistakes. I still struggle with making mistakes, but They were a constant in my life. Even from a very young age I knew when things got bad I only had to pray and a sense of peace flooded me until I was calm. I have been reminded over and over that They have been with me through every cross- roads, journey, heart break and heart ache. Every small thing to the grandest of things. When I confessed all of my sins, and I said these words it changed my life. I cannot do this without You, when I have had nothing and noone You were with me. I always felt You near me, I was comforted in that feeling, You waited on me, I cannot live my life without You, I dont ever want to live my life without You, please always stay with me and guide me, I cannot do it without You, I cannot function without You, I couldnt take another breath without You, I am nothing without You, but I am everything with You. I begged for forgiveness. I was grateful for receiving that. Guess what' I have to remind myself of all that at times, I remember my own words, there are things I want to do at times, but I also think I dont want to let You down and I know Your plan for me will be greater. I know You are looking out for me and just because I want this now I know in my heart You are trying to keep me from making a big mistake that I will regret over and over gain, so I need to listen and I have been trying my best. I am not saying it is always easy, but I put the effort in and I try. When I do listen my life is perfect. I feel a little sad right now, why? Because I am blessed with so much and I look at my friends and my family and I see sadness and broken hearts. I see lives that are in turmoil and sadness. So I wrote this to reach out to all of you and say look at my life now and look at it back then. For those who have known me for so long. What do you see? Is my life different? Do you know why? And then I proceed to tell them of the glory I have seen. I cannot tell you of all the things I have been given. I am not talking just materialistically either because I dont care about that. I my need money to live on, but it sure doesnt make me happy. I may need it to live on but not to live. I have had my share of blessings with money also though and I cant complain. When I need it, its there and I have always struggled with money. What you give you receive believe that. We will always be given what we need to survive, it is a promise and it is true. My son, my pride and joy, is a healthy young man, and as precious as a child can be, he is smart, he is healthy and happy. That is a gift to me. My family and I are very close. I may not mention them a lot but we are very close. I love each and every one of them. They are all special in so many ways. I wouldnt know what to do without them. They have also helped shape and form the person I am today. I have a great relationship with my mom, and I love her dearly. She has done so much for me throughout my life and I cant thank her enough. Also all my aunts, uncles, cousins, brother , sisters, all of these people, my grandpa, they have all been remarkable blessings to me. And they always are. I am proud of my family. My friends, my best friend, Teresa, she will kill me for using her name. I love her to death. She has been my constant through so many things. I hope I give her back a fraction of the loyalty she has given me. My other friends are just as important and special. I cant name them all but C, R, J, K, B, C many of you. I wont use all your names just initials. My ex-husband I am grateful for him, because he helped to give me the wonderful gift of my son, Dakota. And he has given me his friendship. He also helped shape the person I am today. Now down to other things. I have been blessed with a vehicle once again, may not be a big deal to some, but I HAVE A CAR! I have food to eat and clothes to wear. I have a place to call home. And it is my home. I may not own it but it is mine to take care of and I am thankful for that. I am going to school! Who would have guessed and I love it too. I have met a lot of great people, students and instructors. Who instead of calling fellow collegians, I am beginning to now call friends. I have been blessed over and over again. I just needed to take the time and say why, and how and mainly WHO. So please have faith in all you do, believe in your heart you can do it, always have faith in a Higher Power and believe in His love, unending, and prove to Him and yourself that you are worthy and you can and will be somebody special. God Bless and Keep each and every one of you..follow your heart and dreams and pass this on if you know somebody in need. Take care. Tiffany Dickerson/Vaughn Pascal To God and Jesus, Thank you.
To Dakota, I love you. |
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